The Ones We Wait For
As with previous posts, I had a song on repeat as I was typing this. The song is "Amen." It will definitely add value as you read.
It's been almost 6 years.
That's how long it's been since I've seen the fireworks on the 4th of July. But, I decided that I was going to see them tonight. Alone. Don't get me wrong, I have friends. But, I've been learning to do things more on my own lately. It feels good. It's great when you can do things with friends and have fun. It's even more awesome when you can do those same things alone and still have a great time. It's a true gift to enjoy your own company.
So, I found out what time they started, changed my clothes, and walked to the bus stop to head into the city. As I was walking to the bus stop, I thought to myself, "Do I really want to go see the fireworks?" It was hot and It would be super crowded and "people-y" outside. I answered my question with a resounding, "Yes." So, I continued walking.
A few moments later I said, "Jesus, you are welcome. Please come with me." Today, I felt distant from him. I haven't spent much time with him today. I love him. I love spending time with him. So, I invited him.
Dinner for One (Two).
I also stopped by the corner store near the bus stop and grabbed a lunchable (I promise I'm a grown up) and a drink. Dinner in the city is super expensive and I knew that once I got there, I would be hungry. So, I grabbed some food.
I caught the bus and made my way towards to park that was designated as the free viewing area. I found a spot to sit just across the street from the park. I took out my lunchable and drink and ate dinner. All, the while, the sky went from a beautiful peach color to a sleepy blue color.
Getting Closer.
When the fireworks eventually started, I had to get up and move into the park to see them more clearly. My view was interrupted by a skyscraper. So, I moved and got an awesome view of the show. With the patriotic songs playing in the background and the crowd, myself included, "ooh-ing and ahh-ing," Jesus revealed something to me. Something that I had never quite noticed about fireworks before.
My favorite firework has always been the one that sort of "fizzes" on the way up into the sky but doesn't make much of a "boom" noise. They are usually champagne colored. They sort of branch out in the sky and that's pretty much the wow factor. They give immediate entertainment. These type of fireworks don't get much applause. These type of fireworks don't draw the crowd.
There is another type of firework that brings the crowd. They are the one's that go "BOOOM!" You know that type I'm talking about. They grab your attention! If you're close enough, you can feel your body vibrate. They make a noise that resonates and resounds. They are the showstoppers. These aren't my favorite. Well, up until tonight they weren't until this year.
Let's back up a second.
So, this year, I got to do something that I've always wanted to do. I got my dream role in the my dream musical. I got to play Motormouth Maybelle in "Hairspray." I've been dreaming of this role since I knew it existed (well over a decade). The year after the movie musical came out, my friends and I did a school talent show in which I got to play Motormouth. We did one scene and it was awesome.
A few years later, the community theater at home did "Hairspray." I auditioned and even got a callback. But, I didn't get the part. In fact, the girl who got the part was so much better than me that I couldn't even be mad. And then, a few weeks into rehearsal, I ended up moving. So, not only did I not get the part I wanted, I couldn't even be in the show.
Even though I couldn't do the show, I still learned all of Motormouth's songs from the show. I sang them over and over again doing karaoke in my bedroom. I looked for theaters in my new city but none of them were a right fit. Then less than a year later, I moved again.
I found a community theater group and joined. It was such a blessing and it came at the right time. I don't know where I would be if I hadn't seen the first show they did and been in it the following year.
Taking a Break.
So, I did two shows, "Footloose" and "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat." They were a blast. But, something was happening to me. The first show I got a really good part. I wasn't expecting it. It was such a learning experience. The second show, I audition for the lead and got a callback. I didn't get the part. At first, I was bummed. But, as we went through rehearsals, a sense of relief washed over me. I was so tremendously glad that I didn't get the part! Like, I can't describe the relief. The ladies that got the leads were FABULOUS! I ended up getting the part of The Baker. It was still so much fun!
The following year, the show was announced and something happened. I prayed about doing the show and Jesus said, "No." And, I was really surprised. Like, it was something that I was looking forward to. But, he said, "You're tying your identity to what part you get in the show." And, of course he was right. If I got a big part, that meant that I was super talented and worth something. But, if I didn't get a big part, that meant I wasn't talented. Which, as I type this, sounds silly.
So, to the disappointment of my friends and myself, I didn't do the show. I mean, I showed up for measurements and pictures but after fighting it, I didn't do the show. It was one of the best things that has happened to me. I felt like I was off of the hamster wheel. Like, I could breathe. So, when it was announced that we would be doing "Hairspray," the first thing I did was pray,
"God, this is my dream and you know it's my dream. But, if this is not the right time, I won't do it."
God responded, "Is this something that you really want?"
And I said, "Yes. But, if you don't want me to do it then I won't. Whatever you want me to do, I'll do it."
I feel like I had this kind of "duh" moment during prayer. God said to me, "I care about what you want. It's important to me. I want you to do this. I placed this dream in your heart."
This went on for a few weeks. I wanted to be sure of what God was telling me.
I auditioned and then got a callback for the show and then got the part! This one sentence doesn't convey the entire process or anxiety or worry. But, I did eventually have a sense of calm. The day of the callback, I didn't stress. I did the best that I knew to do.
The ones we wait for.
The fireworks that go, "BOOOM!" don't produce much noise or image as they go up into the air. You can see them traveling up into the night sky and then they seem to disappear for a second. And only after they disappear do you hear the noise and see the majesty of it.
You anticipate as you see it traveling up into the sky and then nothing seems to happen. That's what it felt like for "Hairspray" I had been wanting that part for such a long time and nothing seemed to be happening. No theater was doing it and if they were I couldn't get to it. And if I could get to it, I didn't get the part.
The promises of God are like that sometimes. God will often speak a promise or word over your life. It's so exciting! I know that I get excited. I see that dream go up into the night air like the firework. But, then nothing seems to happen. Days, weeks, months, years, and sometimes even decades pass with little or no movement. You begin to question if God spoke the promise over your life.
"Maybe it was just me thinking it to myself."
"Maybe Satan is trying to get me to be mad at God when it doesn't happen."
The longer we wait, the less it seems like it will happen. But, IT WILL HAPPEN! You may have to wait but it will happen! You may have to wait 6 months but, IT WILL HAPPEN! You may have to wait a year but, IT WILL HAPPEN! You may have to wait 5 years but, IT WILL HAPPEN! You may have to wait a decades but, IT. WILL. HAPPEN!
The longer we wait, the more mature we are and the more glorious it is! God always prepares us to receive what he has promised. The longer we wait, the more we get to know God. The more we get to develop faith. And yes, sometimes it feels unbearable and downright unfair But, IT WILL HAPPEN!
Resources I've found helpful:
1. Hebrews 11 (faith in action)
2. Isaiah 40
3. Psalm 1:1-3
4. The Year of Becoming: One Church
5. Everlasting God
It's been almost 6 years.
That's how long it's been since I've seen the fireworks on the 4th of July. But, I decided that I was going to see them tonight. Alone. Don't get me wrong, I have friends. But, I've been learning to do things more on my own lately. It feels good. It's great when you can do things with friends and have fun. It's even more awesome when you can do those same things alone and still have a great time. It's a true gift to enjoy your own company.
So, I found out what time they started, changed my clothes, and walked to the bus stop to head into the city. As I was walking to the bus stop, I thought to myself, "Do I really want to go see the fireworks?" It was hot and It would be super crowded and "people-y" outside. I answered my question with a resounding, "Yes." So, I continued walking.
A few moments later I said, "Jesus, you are welcome. Please come with me." Today, I felt distant from him. I haven't spent much time with him today. I love him. I love spending time with him. So, I invited him.
Dinner for One (Two).
I also stopped by the corner store near the bus stop and grabbed a lunchable (I promise I'm a grown up) and a drink. Dinner in the city is super expensive and I knew that once I got there, I would be hungry. So, I grabbed some food.
I caught the bus and made my way towards to park that was designated as the free viewing area. I found a spot to sit just across the street from the park. I took out my lunchable and drink and ate dinner. All, the while, the sky went from a beautiful peach color to a sleepy blue color.
Getting Closer.
When the fireworks eventually started, I had to get up and move into the park to see them more clearly. My view was interrupted by a skyscraper. So, I moved and got an awesome view of the show. With the patriotic songs playing in the background and the crowd, myself included, "ooh-ing and ahh-ing," Jesus revealed something to me. Something that I had never quite noticed about fireworks before.
My favorite firework has always been the one that sort of "fizzes" on the way up into the sky but doesn't make much of a "boom" noise. They are usually champagne colored. They sort of branch out in the sky and that's pretty much the wow factor. They give immediate entertainment. These type of fireworks don't get much applause. These type of fireworks don't draw the crowd.
There is another type of firework that brings the crowd. They are the one's that go "BOOOM!" You know that type I'm talking about. They grab your attention! If you're close enough, you can feel your body vibrate. They make a noise that resonates and resounds. They are the showstoppers. These aren't my favorite. Well, up until tonight they weren't until this year.
Let's back up a second.
So, this year, I got to do something that I've always wanted to do. I got my dream role in the my dream musical. I got to play Motormouth Maybelle in "Hairspray." I've been dreaming of this role since I knew it existed (well over a decade). The year after the movie musical came out, my friends and I did a school talent show in which I got to play Motormouth. We did one scene and it was awesome.
A few years later, the community theater at home did "Hairspray." I auditioned and even got a callback. But, I didn't get the part. In fact, the girl who got the part was so much better than me that I couldn't even be mad. And then, a few weeks into rehearsal, I ended up moving. So, not only did I not get the part I wanted, I couldn't even be in the show.
Even though I couldn't do the show, I still learned all of Motormouth's songs from the show. I sang them over and over again doing karaoke in my bedroom. I looked for theaters in my new city but none of them were a right fit. Then less than a year later, I moved again.
I found a community theater group and joined. It was such a blessing and it came at the right time. I don't know where I would be if I hadn't seen the first show they did and been in it the following year.
Taking a Break.
So, I did two shows, "Footloose" and "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat." They were a blast. But, something was happening to me. The first show I got a really good part. I wasn't expecting it. It was such a learning experience. The second show, I audition for the lead and got a callback. I didn't get the part. At first, I was bummed. But, as we went through rehearsals, a sense of relief washed over me. I was so tremendously glad that I didn't get the part! Like, I can't describe the relief. The ladies that got the leads were FABULOUS! I ended up getting the part of The Baker. It was still so much fun!
The following year, the show was announced and something happened. I prayed about doing the show and Jesus said, "No." And, I was really surprised. Like, it was something that I was looking forward to. But, he said, "You're tying your identity to what part you get in the show." And, of course he was right. If I got a big part, that meant that I was super talented and worth something. But, if I didn't get a big part, that meant I wasn't talented. Which, as I type this, sounds silly.
So, to the disappointment of my friends and myself, I didn't do the show. I mean, I showed up for measurements and pictures but after fighting it, I didn't do the show. It was one of the best things that has happened to me. I felt like I was off of the hamster wheel. Like, I could breathe. So, when it was announced that we would be doing "Hairspray," the first thing I did was pray,
"God, this is my dream and you know it's my dream. But, if this is not the right time, I won't do it."
God responded, "Is this something that you really want?"
And I said, "Yes. But, if you don't want me to do it then I won't. Whatever you want me to do, I'll do it."
I feel like I had this kind of "duh" moment during prayer. God said to me, "I care about what you want. It's important to me. I want you to do this. I placed this dream in your heart."
This went on for a few weeks. I wanted to be sure of what God was telling me.
I auditioned and then got a callback for the show and then got the part! This one sentence doesn't convey the entire process or anxiety or worry. But, I did eventually have a sense of calm. The day of the callback, I didn't stress. I did the best that I knew to do.
The ones we wait for.
The fireworks that go, "BOOOM!" don't produce much noise or image as they go up into the air. You can see them traveling up into the night sky and then they seem to disappear for a second. And only after they disappear do you hear the noise and see the majesty of it.
You anticipate as you see it traveling up into the sky and then nothing seems to happen. That's what it felt like for "Hairspray" I had been wanting that part for such a long time and nothing seemed to be happening. No theater was doing it and if they were I couldn't get to it. And if I could get to it, I didn't get the part.
The promises of God are like that sometimes. God will often speak a promise or word over your life. It's so exciting! I know that I get excited. I see that dream go up into the night air like the firework. But, then nothing seems to happen. Days, weeks, months, years, and sometimes even decades pass with little or no movement. You begin to question if God spoke the promise over your life.
"Maybe it was just me thinking it to myself."
"Maybe Satan is trying to get me to be mad at God when it doesn't happen."
The longer we wait, the less it seems like it will happen. But, IT WILL HAPPEN! You may have to wait but it will happen! You may have to wait 6 months but, IT WILL HAPPEN! You may have to wait a year but, IT WILL HAPPEN! You may have to wait 5 years but, IT WILL HAPPEN! You may have to wait a decades but, IT. WILL. HAPPEN!
The longer we wait, the more mature we are and the more glorious it is! God always prepares us to receive what he has promised. The longer we wait, the more we get to know God. The more we get to develop faith. And yes, sometimes it feels unbearable and downright unfair But, IT WILL HAPPEN!
Resources I've found helpful:
1. Hebrews 11 (faith in action)
2. Isaiah 40
3. Psalm 1:1-3
4. The Year of Becoming: One Church
5. Everlasting God
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