And Then the Sun Peeked Through

It's true...
I have the gift of encouragement. God has given me that gift. I try to think of ways to encourage people and make them feel better and let them know that Jesus loves them. I can remember instances in the past where people have come up to me and said, "What you said last night was so encouraging." Or, I've heard, "That's just what I needed to hear!"

I love to encourage people! It brings me joy when I know that I was able to make someone feel better, know they are loved and treasured, and cared for by God. It's kind of weird to say out loud but, through encouraging others, I have been able to know the love that God has for me. Not perfectly though.

I need it, BAD!
So, lately I've been going through warfare. It started with dreams, then sleep, and then thoughts. There has been fear, doubt, and anxiety. There has been questioning God, crying, frustration. I say things like, "God, I know you've said this to me about this situation but, nothing looks like what you said." Or I'll say, "God! Do you not see what is going on?!  Do you not understand what is happening?!"

I've been doubting God's voice, his presence, his will for my life in general. It has been incredibly tiring. But, Jesus has been speaking to me. A few days ago he said to me, "Either you believe what I've said to you or you don't. We can't keep going back and forth." And then, a few days later he said, "How many times do you want to keep asking me?!" As if I would get a different answer from him about it. Jesus always answers the way that I need and in way that I'll understand.

Fighting it...
I haven't just been enduring this warfare though. I, because of the victory that I have in Jesus, have been fighting. I've been rejecting the thoughts that come into my mind that are lies. I've been praying that if I have dreams that aren't from God, that I will wake up, quickly. I've been saying a bed time prayer that has been tremendously helpful in calming my spirit and bringing me peace. I've been watching YouTube videos about the will of God, I've been memorizing and quoting Bible verses for when these thoughts, dreams, and insomnia occur (I've been holding tightly to Hebrews 10:22-23 and Numbers 23:19). And I've gotten my war room/prayer corner set up and I've been fighting that way.

I know that this warfare has come because God has something amazing on the other side. There would be no warfare if there was no victory coming. I'm also holding tightly to that as well. I haven't been perfect at this at all. I honestly haven't wanted to give up though. Thank the Lord!

I've also been praying for encouragement. I've been praying that God would encourage me. I'm great at encouraging other people. And, when the situation isn't so bad, I'm okay at encouraging myself. But this is different. I've been praying for encouragement. My prayer was like, "Jesus please! Please send confirmation. Please send encouragement. I can't do this!"

And today, it came!

Do you know where Haman the Agagite came from?
I've been studying a few different stories in the Bible. One that I was reminded of last night during prayer was Esther. The bad guy in the book of Esther is named Haman. Haman goes from 0 to 100 real quick in this story. First one Jewish guy, Mordecai, won't bow to him and then he wants to kill all of the Jews. Like, how did it get here!?!

So, I asked a co-worker about it. I know of this prevailing theory about Haman's origins and this co-worker and I talked about it. And from there, we got to the topic of obeying God. Then this co-worker says something almost word for word of what I was going through and how, even though he disobeyed God, God had worked it out for him.

For such a time as this
I COULD NOT BELIEVE IT! I wasn't expecting that kind of encouragement at all. I literally just looked at him and said, "You were put here for such a time as this." I NEEDED THAT. I can't explain the utter joy and relief I felt after hearing what he had to say. But that's not all!

So, after work, I was texting a friend about what was going on in their life. And this friend relayed so many amazing details about what God is doing in their life. At first I was kind of sad that I wasn't experiencing that in my life. But, then as if a light switched on in my heart,  I was soo incredibly encouraged and in awe of what God was doing! I was thanking God for the work that he was doing. This friend has been struggling with so many different things as far as I can remember. And I have been praying for them for quite some time. It was literally an answer to my prayers and prayers of so many others! ENCOURAGEMENT! God is hearing me.

And then the sun peeked through the buildings. 
I work in the heart of my city. It is rare to see the sun. Like, you know it's there but because of the buildings you don't actually SEE it. So, after work, I was headed to a rehearsal that I just didn't want to go to. I missed the first bus and was waiting on the second bus. As I was sitting there, thinking about the amazing things God was doing in my friends life, the sun starts to shine. It literally the biggest, most beautiful sun that I have ever seen. I was filled with wonder! And my heart melted. Jesus hears me! He is so caring, beautiful, and tender! Things are working out! I can't see it. I don't know the whole story, but Jesus does and If I hold tightly to him and his promises without wavering, I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! (Btw...the rehearsal was cancelled and I just didn't get the text message when it came through. If I had, I wouldn't have had this amazing moment with Jesus).

Some resources that I have found helpful:
1. Hebrews 10:22-25
2. Numbers 23:19
3. Psalm 27:11-14
4. Psalm 25:1-3
5. Esther 4
6. All Things are Possible (Hillsong)
7. Let Everything that has Breath (Matt Redman)
8. Meet with me (Ten Shekel Shirt)
9. Manolo (Trip Lee ft. Lecrae)
10. Sweet Victory (Trip Lee)
11. Bedtime Prayer (Ransomed Heart)