God won't embarrass himself

It all started with basketball...

In November 2016 I received awesome seats to a professional basketball game! I didn't expect them at all. I was part of a fundraising team at work and the tickets were a prize. The person who won them didn't want them. So, the head of the committee offered them to me. I said, "yes!!" Without hesitation.

The day of the game was so incredibly stressful. I was late getting to work and I lost my wallet on the way. So, I had no money, no ID,  and no library card! the struggle was real. However, my (step) Dad went to the game with me and made sure that I got dinner. We had a great time. I was heckling the team and Patrick Ewing, who was on the coaching staff at the time, even turned around and gave me "the look." It was an over all good time. 

The next day, as I was sitting at my desk at work, I said, "Jesus, that was a great time. I want to go to another basketball game." That was November 2016. 

A few weeks later, I said, "Jesus, I had a great time at the basketball game. I want to go to another basketball game." 

A few weeks after that I said, "Jesus, I had a great time at the basketball game. I want to go to another basketball game." 

This went on for some time. Every couple of weeks, I would say that. I would talk to Jesus and say that. I didn't have a special prayer or anything. I would just say that. 

And then more basketball...

Finally one day in early March 2017, I got an email from my boss. She said that the Senior Leadership Team had purchased a whole bunch of tickets to the game later that week. I knew God had answered my prayer! I was so excited!! I asked for tickets and then I said something like, "Jesus this is so amazing! I'm so excited! What else can I ask you for!?!" It left my lips before I could be embarrassed, feel stupid, or feel dumb. 

And a prayer....

Jesus responded. The only way to describe his response was like, an excited, breathless whisper. Like, he had been waiting for me to ask the question for forever. He said, "Anything." We were in a moment. I knew in my heart that whatever I asked for, God would give me. I asked for three things (I'll cover 2 here). The first thing I said was, "I want you to come back soon." It's true. I want God to come back soon. More than almost anything. The next thing I asked him for was something that I had wanted for a long time. I said, "Jesus I want to go to the April 2017 Captivating Retreat." The retreat was to take place April 6-9, 2017 in Colorado. Jesus responded with, "Apply." 

*Captivating is a book written by John and Stasi Eldredge. It is one of my all time favorite books. The retreat happens 2 times a year in April and October.*

Feeling so optimistic...

So, I applied. However, there were only wait list spots available. So, I applied to be on the wait list. I also asked if they had any full scholarships for the event. I had zero dollars for the retreat. That was on March 7, 2017. I was so excited. I knew that God was going to provide! I knew it was going to happen.

On March 20, 2017, I got an email saying that there were 10 more spots available and the first 10 ladies that responded and could register and pay, they would get the spots. I shot a quick email back and said, "I would like to attend." I still had zero dollars. 

Feeling realistic...

I got accepted off the wait list and was given the scholarship application on March 21, 2017. Reality sunk in. (I have a friend who uses the term "realistic"  often. It's probably my least favorite word) But, I got realistic. And realized that even if I got the scholarship, I didn't have money to get from North Carolina to Colorado. Who was I kidding?! I might be taking money from someone who could actually get there but just needed a little financial help. I talked it over with my (step) Dad and a friend. They were both encouraging. But, they said that there's always next time. 

I prayed and I felt God tell me to fill it out. So, I did. I tried to answer honestly. I submitted the application the next day and I was feeling less than optimistic. However, right after I submitted the application, I heard God say, "You need to request the time off work." And I was like, "But God, I don't know if they are going to approve it." And I didn't have that many days of vacation left for the year. If they didn't approve it, I didn't want to have to waste it. But, God kept after me. The next day, I requested the time off work. 

Feeling stupid and afraid....

I heard nothing for a whole day. And the whole time, I was so stressed. I felt stupid. How was I so quick to believe that God wanted this for me? I didn't hear anything about the scholarship for 24 hours. It was a loooong 24 hours of doubting, stressing, and mainly fear. Afraid that I would look dumb in front of people. 

24 hours later...

On March 23, 2017, I was heading to my second job. I had been refreshing my email on my phone every 20 minutes for 24 hours and there was nothing there. I got to my second job and starting doing the work, I was making sandwiches. I had gloves on. I couldn't keep touching my phone. So, about an hour into my shift, I was able to check my phone. And, it was there. They offered me the full scholarship! I was screaming and the customers and other workers were looking at me like I was crazy. I didn't care. I got the scholarship. I had enough money in my account to pay the $70 for my round trip shuttle from Denver International airport to the retreat and back to the airport,

One minor major detail...

This was March 23, 2017. I still didn't have a plane ticket. And I was scared. What if I got all this way only for God not to provide the plane ticket. I was almost positive that God wouldn't do that. But, I was still scared. I was praying a lot. Praying for God to make good on his word. One of my verses that I would say to keep me from vomiting was Numbers 23:19. It reads:

19 God is not a man, that he should lie; neither the son of man, that he should repent: hath he said, and shall he not do it? or hath he spoken, and shall he not make it good?

I tried to hold tightly to that verse. Like, it was my lifeline. I would speak it over and over again. It kinda looked like I was talking to myself. That was okay. I would cling to the truth. Even if it felt like I was doing it alone and it felt like Jesus wasn't there. Which, he totally was. 

God did it before...

So I was praying and recording on my phone. Every night, I would record what God was doing. Even if nothing happened. I was still so afraid. But, I knew what God had said. But I prayed and I recorded. I also watched videos on YouTube about how God had provided for other people financially. Also during this time, I watched videos on YouTube about airline reviews. I was putting in my mind what God had promised even if it felt like it wouldn't happen. And since I was believing for the impossible, I prayed for a first class ticket. Why not? You know? I was also telling people that God was going to come through. I spoke it aloud. Even though I felt sick to my stomach. 

Savvy co-worker, bargain travel site, Grumpy co-worker, Elijah the prophet, and the $200 check...

I was telling people what God had promised. One of those people was a co-worker. A close friend. They said, "Have you tried travelocity? They have good deals and cheap airfare." I tried it and was looking relentlessly. I had a grumpy co-worker that I told about it. He said, "I'll be praying for you." So, not because he was grumpy but, I had no idea this co-worker was a Christian. They said to me, "Do you know who Tony Evans is? He's a good preacher. You should check him out." We had this long conversation about Jesus and Tony Evans. 

Tony Evans had a series on Elijah the prophet (1 Kings). This particular video that I found was about Elijah and the widow at Zarephath. Sunday March 26, 2017, the Sunday school lesson that I taught was about Elijah and the widow at Zarephath. Jesus was encouraging me. That same Sunday, after I told her about how God was going to provide, a woman at church handed me a check for $200. She said that God told her to give it to me.

I couldn't take it. I started to cry. I didn't want her to give me money. I mean, I did. But I didn't want her to think that I was pressuring her. She said that she was sure that God told her to give it to me and I took it. And I deposited it the next day. 

Not the money...

So, I went to buy a one way ticket. It wasn't all the money that I needed but I could get there. So, I went to do that and Jesus said, "No." And I was like, "But Jesus, I have the money!!" And he said, "No." I forgot to mention that during this time I called my bank to get my overdraft limit raised. Just in case God didn't come through. Then I could buy the ticket. I had a backup plan (it's never a good idea to have a backup plan when God says he's going to provide, btw). But I didn't use it. And I didn't buy the one way ticket. And it's a good thing that I didn't. My check was short from work that week and I needed the money to cover expenses. 

Feeling stubborn...

On April 4, 2017, two days before the retreat, I didn't have the money for the plane ticket. As my mom was leaving for an appointment that morning, she says to me, "When are you leaving?" I said, "On the 6th." She said, "You got the money?!" I said, "No, but God is gonna provide." I was feeling stubborn and hurt. Literally, I was so heartbroken. How could God get me this far and not provide? That week I even posted on facebook asking if anyone had miles or companion passes. I was gonna look like a fool in front of everyone. And I trusted God. God spoke this to me. I didn't speak it to him. 

Later that day, two days before the retreat, my mother calls me at work asking 790 questions. If you've met my mother, you know what I'm talking about. (btw, I love my mother dearly! Please pray for her. She is currently sick). I was so stressed and overwhelmed but trying to respect my mom. So, she says, "You can put it on my credit card but you have to pay me back by the end of next month."

Hell week...

I was soo happy that it had happened! My parents don't have a ton of money. I couldn't believe they were offering. I accepted. And I purchased the deal that I got on travelocity. 

I was happy that my dream was coming true! But, it was hard to enjoy it at first. I was sick to my stomach for days. Realistically, I didn't think it would happen. But, I knew what God had said to me. And then two days later, I was off to Colorado, to meet one of my favorite authors and to have an encounter with Jesus. 

Porcupines, Southeast, and Crazy dance Parties...

So, the retreat was amazing! I met so many women from all over the country that were there for Jesus. My cabin mates were amazing!! We were all women from the southeast. I'm still in contact with them. During meals at the retreat, they would play epic soundtracks and Sam, from Colorado and I would stand up in the dining hall and dance. 

The point...

Sometimes, God doesn't feel like he's in the details. I heard very clearly that God told me to apply, and to request time off work, and to pay for the shuttle, and not to spend the money. Other than that, I didn't feel God there. I didn't feel his presence. But, he was there. He was there! He was in every moment.

Jesus wants us to trust him with every detail. I forgot I was afraid of flying until I boarded the plane and sat in my economy seat (I didn't fly first class). So, I sat next to these two guys that were headed to Vegas for a bachelor weekend. The groomsman, Nick, who sat next to me, was so encouraging. He literally said to me at one point, "You're fine. Stop panicking." God knew that I needed that. During the flight there, he talked to me and we goofed and I forgot about being afraid.

Jesus wants us to know that his heart towards us is good. But, when he speaks, we need to do it. If he says, "No," we don't do it. If he says, "Yes," we do it. And trust him either way. 

God will keep his word. If he spoke it to you, Don't doubt. Trust. If he said it, he will do it. For no other reason than because he promised and he has to keep his word. God doesn't embarrass himself. If he spoke it, he will do it. But we have to be praying and trusting. (1Kings 18)

We need to wait on his timing. Wait and trust that his way is the best way. If I had done it my way, I would have been messing up God's plan to bless me and my parents. I would have been doing it in my strength and not his and I am not strong enough.

Some resources that have been helpful. 

1. Seeing God's Provision (Tony Evans)

2. Money-My testimony of God's provision (ieva f)

3. Money from Heaven-Documentary (Kirk Armour)

4. This love (Spontaneous)  (Housefires II)

5. Provision (YWAM: Newcastle)

6. Good, Good Father (Housefires ft. Pat Barrett)